I really, really, cannot concentrate right now. I should be looking at AQA 3.9 'The shapes of molecules and ions', but I just can't when I'm sitting mere inches away from Chapter 1 of (as yet untitled) R/Ja fic.
It's so exciting to be writing again - I'd forgotten a) how much fun it is and b) how, immodestly, I'm actually alright at doing so (at least, according to reviews...)! Maybe one day I'll find the time and inclination to come with some original writing, plot and characters. Maybe. But tbh, I think I'm just gonna end up i a career (medical, I hope), where I just don't have time for that. So actually, fanfic kinda works for now. It's enough of a test to write in a genre that I know most people won't even think of reading, and, probably, is pretty offensive to the real people involved. Still - writer's licence, hey? Even if one person reads it and thinks it's worthwhile, that's good, right?
I'm blathering on again. Right, stop feeling guilty and get on with chemistry (what a mantra).
Yes, it has hasn't it? I kinda forgot that I even had this account and that people are still posting on LJ. i guess I expected that everyone has migrated to FB in these modern social times.
Anywhoo, I'm back with the intentions of a fic - a nice new slashfic featuring James May and Richard Hammond. Crazy! I would never normally ship that, but sunsetmog_fics
has persuaded me otherwise - some really life-changingly beautiful writing going on over there!
So, watch this space :)
In other news, I've finished BA and MA degrees in Classics at the University of Exeter, and am now taking a break to study a Chemistry A Level and apply to med-school in September. I should be revising, but hey - fics to write ;)
- Music:Iron Man 3 Soundtrack
Well - as I tend to write in here spasmodically at best, rarely at worst, thought it was due another update.
Feeling a bit down to be quite honest - which is not really in keeping with what I should be feeling by all conventional laws.
Reasons why I should feel good:
- Finished all my exams
- Been on best scuba trip ever and me some lovely guys (esp one ;-) )
- Passed my driving test on sat with 2 minors
- Going on holiday... twice... in next couple of months
- Met loads of lovely peeps off Luigi's (nee TRA) inc Bozzy, BJ, Neonsox, Lottie etc.
- Goin on a sort of date 2moro
Reasons why I don't:
- Owe parents £1354 and have no hope of paying off till end of summer, made doubly worse by fact that can't get any overtime at work
- Even though have passed test, will now not be driving until Xmas 2008 or later, as have no money to insure self on any form of car, and since provisional insurance on mum's car is now void, can't even drive that - might just as well not have passed.
- Since no overtime, am stuck in room for hours on end with jus computer for company and painting soldiers in desperate attempt to earn money.
- Being in Folksworth also means that getting anywhere is unbelievably difficult
- Dad is disappointed with me
- Even though can feel self falling for Peter, can't do nowt bout it cos he's got a gf - grrr!
D'arvit I hate all this.
Have been musing these past days about something that happened - not sure it should have done, but it did nonetheless and it's probably a bit wrong, but let's say that I don't mind it happening again. This is all very mysterious to any journal readers - but I can say no more lest I give the game away. Suffice to say, I have spent too much time pondering this week, and not enought time doing things!
I seem to be able to throw myself into work though - clocked up a good 43 hours last week - pretty damn good considering that I'm only contracted for 8 a week! This is all to the better - as although I earn a lot - I have no money for the forseeable future as all next months pay goes towards final payment on my scuab diving hol in May.
I really do need to do my Classics essay though - and some driving-theory revision - test on thurs! I might just put it off for a little while though to have tea.
A colleague at work this week asked me if I worked full-time, which threw me a little, before I worked out that I have been doing nearly full-time hours/shifts. Am I too concentrated on work atm? Should I be studying more? Hell, I don't really know who I am or what I'm doing any more. My life gets planned week by week and I barely notice the days flying by. No, I'm not a full-time shelf-stacker, but nor am I full-time student or full-time anything really. Should I be doing something more constructive? Is this really a gap-year? Or just another year for me to put off the inevitable and try and make some decisions. I really don't know anymore.
Like Jodie I have decided to give my brief rendition of the year:
Exams mostly - pretty much took my entire Biology A Level in exams in Jan - took vast amounts of time off school, but proved right in end, when I got my 5 As in Bio exams. Everything was hectic in summer - exams, friends, holidays, etc.
- The Greece Trip: Just amazing. Best trip ever. I got on so well with the guys that went - they made that trip. I finally felt like I fitted in, and learnt a lot about Class Civ too. Admittedly, there were a few undesirable moments; Jodie getting upset; Alice getting upset because Jodie was upset - etc etc. And all over a boy - sigh, they are NOT worth it! (Boys that is, not Alice + Jodie)
- Joseph: From late March to June, my summer was pretty much centered around the Young Folksworth Players' production of 'Joseph'. Me, Emily, Jack, Kerry and my brother practically lived in each others' pockets for the entire summer: rehearsing; watching Jeremy Kyle; those long goodbyes at the crossroads at 2am; watching the Doctor Who finale; technicolour dreamcakes; the Elite's midnight ramblings...
- My Fair Lady: Another Folksworth production that I seemed to have devoted much of my life to between Sept and Nov. We had such a ball, rehearsing and re-rehearsing it. The shows were the best things ever - I enjoyed it so much. It really gave me an aim to work towards, and also a bit of a social life. I loved the close community I discovered there, and hope to continue it next year in Robin Hood, the panto.
- Scuba Diving: I learnt how to do this on holdiay in Cyprus, and fell in love with the sport. So when I get some money and some time, I will deffo do some more. It's like nothing you will have ever experienced before.
- Harry Potter: Who can forget the summer of Potter? Last book, fifth film, 100 episodes of Mugglecast, Wizard Rock bands (Ministry of Magic and The Remus Lupins), Snapecast, and months and months of Fanfiction. I loved that summer so much. It was a triumph for literature and authors worldwide. Fans everywhere united for a frenzied couple of months of last minute discussions and theories. Just brilliant. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Also slightly connected - the infamous Potter Party - was just amazing too - as far as I can remember!
- Work: Although in October, I was a tad dubious about my feelings for everything Sainsbury's, I am now a true supporter of the team an community within it. I have such an unblievably good time at work, earning money whilst messing about with Sal, Matt, Richard, Jack, Gummy, Stefan, Steve, Tom, Janice, Rachel, Chris etc... I could go on and on. There have been flower-fights, stuffed-toy-animal-hospitals, stolen santas, dogs on the loose, overaged drinking, my management skills, and my daily clementime with Sal. I love it there - it's like one big team working together. It's the relationships and friendships that make the ride TOTALLY worth it.
- Room 17 Crew: Don't even know where to start. Without these guys, I would be nowhere. So here's a big shout out to Jodie, Alice, Laura, Kat, Hayley, Robyn, Charlotte, Lizzy, Anna, Ellie, Eleanor, Sarah, Ross, Elder, Charlie, Watkins (I think that's it? I apologise if I miss anyone). You guys made my year, and I love you for it, sincerely. Don't need to say anything else.
Well, Nan died in September, and that pretty much screwed up the start of my year back at school. Mum being in hospital, with (it later turned out to be) polypps and bowel cancer, didn't really help either. Grandad and Grandma and Grandda also spent quite a bit of time in and out of hospital, so not a good year for health all round really. This lead to some sort of breakdown on my part, which resulted in some pretty heavy and unwise drinking habits, combined with some kind of self-harm. Lowest point yet, I think. I'll say no more for now.
So there you have it - my year, as I remember it. Looking forward with trepedation to 2008 and all who sail in her.
Aims for this year are:
- To pass my driving test and get a car
- To go on that cruise - Egypt/scuba-diving
- Spend loads more time with the Room 17 gang
- Get some Uni offers, and form some sort of plan for future
- Get an A in class civ
- Get my own website up and running
- Get down to some proper film-making
Well, let's see where that leaves me this year! Must update more often really :S
Have just talked to Jodie bout this but thought would post anyway. What exactly is it we do on LJ (I mean - admittedly, not really inculding myself in this 'we' business, as I don't post often enough to really complain). Jus skimmed over some of my friends LJs and it's downright odd. They post stuff about exams and university place acceptance and hobbies and stuff that I have never heard about at school or on phone. Don't people talk anymore?
It's not even like this is a secret diary where you can store all your intimate information - other people, including your friends, probably read it, so what is the big issue with telling them outright - "oh by the way, I have an exam on...".
What is there to hide? In this age of text and Facebook and MSN we talk all the time - and yet, you can come on LJ and discover that you hardly know anythign about people's lives at all!
I'm sorry, but I find that a bit odd. Whatever happened to good old fashioned communication?
PS - Apologise for rant, but felt it necessary!
It's pretty obvious that I don't write in this much, but hey. What the hell - I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats n waiting for another installment of my life. (Laughs to self). Still.
Am attempting to think up plot line for some fanfics at the present: Fawlty Towers (Basil/Polly), Green Wing (Guy/Caroline), Scrubs (Carla/Cox), Harry Potter (Draco/Harry), plus must finish off my current fics.
In other news, I still feel pretty down given recent famiy upheaval and various losses. In fact, I drank myself unconcious on Wed night - possibly one of the stupidist things I've ever done. It's not right - how can I give Alice n Jodie etc advice, when I'm so bloody useless myself? How can I be so hypocritical - I can't be there for others, when I'm barely holding on to life and sanity! Sometimes I do just wanna give up, but then people remind me there's so much more to life. But sometimes (like on Wed), I do just let stuff pile up and get to me - I know I shouldn't, but I do. I''m human, not infalliable.
PS - Hi to Hayley, as she is the only one likely to read LJ! (love u! xxx)
Concerned about exams - just realised exactly how much I have to learn for Class Civ & how much I'v missed in lessons. Oh dear - two words that sum it all up! I'm sure I'll blag my way through, but for now, some traditional worrying will do.
JT didn't email back - it's up to him I guess. Ah well - life goes on.
Oh, but Joseph is uber excellent!!! We truly are the elite group of super-stars!!!
And have to admit, depsite all my best intentions, Ovid has found a place in my heart. Damn the Roman! Ms K thinks it's hilarious - I always hated Ovid, but now? ah.
Oh and Alan Rickman is still w-a-y HOT!!!
Really should update more often. Still - have been a bit too busy being over-obsessed with a few things - as per usual. Now? - I'm loving:
-Alan Rickman and all things Snape
-Kenneth Branagh - man's a god
-Captain Jack - pirate or time-agent - either is good!
-Ovid - ok, so he's growing on me!
-All writers of half-decent HG/SS fanfics
Everything is alright atm, besides looming exams n horrible flu thing (sniff). Joseph rehearsal tomorrow - whoop!
Also quite concerned about any email I may get from James in near future - it's gonna be a 'make' or 'break' shall we say?
- Music:Nice silence...
Much love to (</a></font></b></a>kvinna
) - who made these new mood tags - they are brill!